The first day of spring, i said hello. I guess it’s over but in a good way. Smile, laugh, cry, be angry as you wish. I believe you will become stronger as long as there are others there for you. With a breaking point like this. This blog ends today. I will start a new collection of memories elsewhere. But ill never forget you loved me.

I give up. I knew you weren’t the type to care. So fucking weak and foolish of me. Things should stay fun and simple between us right? I’ll act fine, it’s what I’m best at for the likes of you.

It’s no surprising that some people would dislike me. But hate me? I must’ve hurt you a lot for you to hate me. But I haven’t. I’m guessing it’s because I was annoying? I’m sorry then, for all the time I bothered you. It won’t change your feelings but i’ll feel guilty for how much annoyed you then. But for you to hate me but remember me. I’m honored in a way. You always had this barrier around you even when you talked. But I won’t forget that one moment I felt you thought of me as a close friend.

People are really nice to observe. Each have their own reason to act the way they are. There are the strong ones who are weaker than one can see while there are seemingly weak ones who are actually very strong. What role shall we take? Sweet and innocent? Hyper and funny? Cool and cold? Sad and pitiful? Bitter and angry? Critical and judgmental? Who are we? Actors and Actresses let’s ascend the stage. Open your hearts and let the envy and hatrd flicker across your eyes and lies slither past your mouths. True care, admiration, selfless actions and protection…where is it? All shallow apparitions that we like to show. So easily breakable, so easily made, and so easily believed. The world’s a stage for lying smiles and fake tears. Come, wear your mask and let us act till the last play.

Maybe i needed someone in my heart to keep me going in this lonely world. Why it had to be you idk. Sweet that you make a friend annoyed with your negative traits. It made me laugh. At this point. I’ve accepted you. Loving you. And the last step. Accepting to let you go. Finally, my last level. Is to lose someone because you loved him enough to let him go.

Murder. Suicide. Massacres. Abortion. Rape. Starvation. Anorexia. Stealing. Lies. Threats. Mental and Sexual Abuse. Neglection. Betrayal. Hatrd. Bullying. Manipulating. Selfishness. Taking things for granted. Blind to our wrongdoings. Blaming others. Drugs. Alcohol. Cancer. Disrespect. Discrimination. Stranger to virtues and morals. Desperate for survival? For hate? For pride? For lust? Problems out of more problems. There is no surprise to what happens because it happens. Family forget family. Friends forget friends. Lovers forget love. We can display ourselves to be as morally and virtuously as we can. But it doesn’t hide our hate. Our envy. Our greed. Our selfishness. Our curiosity. Our obsession. Our ignorance. Our ungratefullness. We continue like this over and over till one realizes to regret and change. Till more starts to sees and make a change. Sure life is fucked up. We’re all fucked up. But that doesn’t mean we couldn’t change.

I hope to see you soon even though some things aren’t gonna be the same again. I’m sorry. I hope my pain eases by time because I wasn’t there for you all the time either. But it truthfully feels insecure now. But I won’t burdern you anymore. I’m sorry for everything I did and didn’t do. And thank you for you patience and care.

Whoas 2011. I feel like I spent a lot of money this year. And hmm I’m still the same old crybaby. I met a lot of people this year. I spent a lot of time getting to know some friends I didn’t get to know much before. I fell in love without knowing so and I’m glad I’m not as obsessed with my feelings as before. I did want to hold on a bit longer to let him know the height of my feelings. But I guess I should just quietly walk away. It’s the only thing I can do now. I wish him the best in family, friends, lover, and fortune. I still cry, still hurt, still miss, still care and still love. But after Christmas eve someone made me realize that maybe ill find the right one someday. I’m really glad that I got over someone when spring came. Thank goodness for the both of us. It was difficult to see him again at first. And because of my stupid mind. I asked another to play my boyfriend. Only from this mistake did I realize his feelings and mine as well weeks afterwards. I wished to tell all close friends that even though the relationship was fake. The feelings were real. He is not good at expressing himself when it comes to expressing his feelings but I know he tries hard not to care. Just thinking about him makes my heart flutter. He’s happy with the people in his life now. I wish not to be a disturbance. I’m done with him since i left hin pieces of my past. I know I’m not the true happiness of his life. I’m grateful that maybe for 3minutes when he is staring at me, he liked me. For the girl that I always thought to be mad cool. For the girl that pointed out a lot of things to me. For girl that was exciting and daring. For the girl that was a lot like me. For the girl that was very strong at living it through. For the immature asshole that was nice to me. For the funny guy that is probably feeling better now. For the guy that is mad funny and considerate even though he insults me. I also realized some things from my closest kin this year that twists my heart every time I think about it. But with that aside, Great Grandma. Bless her for taking care of me and babying me so much. I’m thankful and indebted to her at the same time. I feel so immature sometimes and it guilts me. I must and determined to lessen her burdens this year. Im sorry that I was always too blinded by my problems to see who loved me all along. I will cherish the remaining days. It was also thanks to her that taught me moral and manner. Cheers to this but with water of course!